What to Say (and NOT Say) When Someone Is Diagnosed with Cancer

You’ve just learned someone you care about has been diagnosed with cancer. Your heart sinks. You want to be supportive—but you’re terrified of saying the wrong thing.

You’re not alone.

Here’s a guide to what actually helps—based on lived experience and real conversations within the Wellnest community.

What Not to Say

Let’s start with what to avoid, even if it comes from a place of love:

❌ “Everything happens for a reason.”
This can feel dismissive of their pain.

❌ “At least it’s not [worse diagnosis].”
Comparing illnesses minimizes what they’re going through.

❌ “You’ve got this!”
It sounds motivational—but may put pressure on them to be strong when they’re just trying to survive.

What to Say Instead

✅ “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for whatever you need.”
Simple. Human. Compassionate.

✅ “Would it be helpful if I took [specific task] off your plate?”
Concrete offers are everything.

✅ “I don’t know what to say, but I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”
Honesty beats perfection.

Bonus: What to Do

• Join their Wellnest Circle if they have one.
• Send a thoughtful gift from their registry (not just flowers).
• Sign up for a task—or offer one-on-one support.

Showing up consistently matters more than saying the perfect thing.